Wounded Harts
by MaryFan1
Summary: Ten years after their divorce will unforeseen circumstances bring Jonathan and Jennifer back together again?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: A little bit different but never fear Hart fans...all's well that ends well ;)**_  
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_Cancer…_

The word hung in the air like a black cloud forming in the midst of a sunny day. A word no one wants to hear. She had prayed and prayed she was wrong but the tests confirmed it. The doctor was going over the treatment options but her head was reeling. She needed to catch her breath. She needed some air so she excused herself promising to call the doctor to come back in and discuss the options when she was in a better frame of mind. She got in her car, not really sure where she was going but ended up at Jones Beach. She sat watching the waves roll in and she found herself contemplating pretty much her whole life, especially the last ten years. The bitterness of the end of her marriage ten years earlier suddenly fresh in her mind, she wondered if things would be different if they were still together. She pulled her jacket tighter as the air seemed to become cooler. Tears streamed down her face as a stark reality hit her. She was sick and, for all intents and purposes, alone. There was one person she had to tell but not by phone so she got back in her car and headed back to her apartment, packed a small bag, called her boss at the New Yorker and told him she needed a few days for a family situation. Then headed out to the one place where she could feel safe…home.

It was almost the dinner hour when she arrived at the family farm in Maryland. She hadn't called first, she was afraid of breaking down on the phone. The lights were on and she rang the doorbell and waited for someone to answer. When the door opened she was greeted by her father's houseman of many years, Walter.

"Miss Jennifer!" He greeted her with a smile, "Come on in."

She managed to return his smile, "Hi Walter, is my father home?"

"He's in his study, as usual, having an after dinner brandy." He said helping her off with her coat

"Great, I'll go surprise him." She replied

"Would you like me to take your bag up to your old room?"

"No, Walter, that's okay, I'll take it up myself, thank you." She said heading to the back of the house to find her father

She stopped in the doorway, smiling at the familiar site of her father smoking his cigar and drinking his favorite brandy, "May I join you?"

Stephen Edwards look up toward the door, a huge smile forming on his lips, "Darling, what a wonderful surprise!" He stood and met her halfway across the room, pulling her into a warm embrace, "What brings you here?" He pulled back and looked her over

She dropped her head, "I just needed a few days away." She lied, "I've been really busy."

He put his finger under her chin and brought her face to meet his. He looked in her eyes, those eyes that always told the story her words didn't, "Darling, what's wrong?"

She couldn't hold it in anymore and the tears began to fall, "Oh Pa," She cried as he pulled her close, "I'm…I'm sick."

His heart skipped a beat and his throat tightened, "What is it?"

She pulled back, wiping her eyes. She took a deep breath, "Cancer Pa, I have cancer."

"Oh, Jennifer." He pulled her into his arms again

They talked into the night and she told him everything she could remember the doctor tell her. All the while his heart was breaking for his only child and for himself. He had lost his wife but how do you prepare yourself to lose a child? She didn't bother with any pretenses. It wouldn't have done any good. She told him she was scared and cried as she had when she was a child and was hurting. He held her as he had then, though in his seventies, his arms still felt comforting and strong around her. When she had finally wrung herself dry of the tears, she fell asleep. But sleep didn't come for him. He sat in his study staring at the picture of her that sat on the mantle. She must have been about fifteen and was becoming an accomplished horsewoman. She had just won her first ribbon and her smile was a mile wide. Her whiskey colored eyes sparkled with joy and pride. But she couldn't have been as proud of herself as he was of her, not just that day but every day he had been blessed to be her father. He ached for her now just as he had on the day her fairy tale marriage fell apart. He couldn't do anything then to ease her pain and he felt helpless now. He lifted up a silent prayer to God to save her.

**A MONTH LATER**

She splashed cold water on her face and examined her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were held prisoner by dark circles and her once sun kissed skin was now pale and her face gaunt. Her auburn hair was no longer lush and thick. It was thinning and stick straight but she figured it was a small price to pay for not dying. They were going to do the tests today to see if the chemo was working and halting not just the spread of the cancer but the aggressive attack on her cells and lymph nodes. She exited the bathroom and returned to her hospital bed. Sloan Kettering was one of the best in the country and she felt lucky to be able to be treated there.

There was a knock on the door and a nurse poked her head in, "Ms. Edwards?" She smiled pleasantly, "They're ready to take you down for the scans now."

Jennifer smiled weakly, "Well, then let's roll, Maggie."

She got up and into the wheelchair and Maggie took her down to radiology where she knew everyone by name now. Her new "family" as it were, and she was grateful for each of them and the part they played in her care.

She returned to her hospital room and waited for the radiologist to read the scans and give her the report. She was trying to distract herself with a book when the doctor showed up.

Dr. Archer was one of the best oncologists at Sloan Kettering. Not only was he a talented physician but he was known for the care and concern he showed his patients, "Jennifer."

She looked up from her book with hope and apprehension in her eyes, trying to gauge his demeanor, "So, what's the word doctor?" She looked down, "Good, I hope."

He sighed and sat down on the edge of her bed, "Not as good as I had hoped." He paused, "Jennifer, the cancer isn't spreading but the chemo isn't working to halt the attack on your cells."

"So what now?" She asked, fear almost choking her words, "Do we try something else?"

"Jennifer, this is the most effective treatment there is for this type of lymphoma." He explained

"So what are you saying?" She replied, "There is nothing else?"

"We can keep going with the chemo but I don't know that it would do much good." He said

She looked away toward the window on the other side of the room, "Can I take a few days to think about what I want to do?"

He got up off the bed and gave her a sympathetic smile and a pat on the shoulder, "Of course, if you like, I'll arrange for you to be discharged tomorrow morning."

She wiped her eyes and nodded

A few hours later Jennifer tried to eat a few bites of dinner and distract herself with the television. She found it too hard to read. She had never been so scared in her life. She finally turned off the television and lay back against the pillow. It was then that the tears began to fall again and she was in the middle of full blown sobs when the phone rang. She exhaled heavily, collected herself and picked it up.

"Hello."

"Darling?" Stephen's voiced came over the line

"Oh Pa." With all the thoughts going through her mind she had completely forgotten to call him, "I'm sorry. I just…I just…" she trailed off

He knew when he didn't hear from her it couldn't have been good, "What did the doctor say?"

She wiped her eyes again, "It's not working, Pa, not like they hoped."

"Well they'll just have to try something…"

She cut him off, "There is nothing else, Pa."

"There has to be…"

"No, there isn't." She repeated, "I'm going home…it's over."

"The hell it is." He told her

Stephen hung up and looked up the number of someone he hadn't talked to in ten years. Someone he knew could help after reading about him in the Wall Street Journal. He looked at his watch. It was late afternoon in California so he hoped he would still be at the office. He dialed and waited.

"Jonathan Hart's office." A female voice answered and he explained who he was and the woman put him on hold for a moment

"Mr. Hart."

"Yes, Kelly."

"There's a Stephen Edwards on the phone for you. He said it was very important."

Jonathan felt like he was in a time warp, "Well then put him through." He said and waited, "Stephen?"

"Jonathan, my boy." He said, "I need your help."

"What is it?" He asked wondering what his former father-in-law could want

"It's Jennifer." He began

**TWO DAYS LATER**

She sat in her apartment, almost in a stupor. She wanted to fight but couldn't find the strength and the doctors didn't think there was any better treatment than the R-CHOP Chemotherapy. She was about to drown her sorrows in another brandy when the doorbell rang. She wasn't in the mood for visitors and had been ignoring the phone since she had been home but she crossed the room and looked out the peephole, gasping.

She fumbled with the locks and opened it, coming face to face with him after ten years, "Jonathan?"

"Your father called me." He explained, "I think I can help you…if you'll let me."


	2. Chapter 2

Jennifer gave him a puzzled look and he smiled slightly, "May I come in?"

"Oh, of course." She said stepping back, "I shouldn't let my illness give cause to being ill mannered." She quipped, "So you talked to my father?"

He looked around the apartment, classic Jennifer, antiques and pure understated elegance. He looked at her, taking in the changes in her appearance, some from just the normal passage of time but it was clear the illness was taking its toll, "Yes, I did." He moved toward her not knowing what to say to the woman he had loved more than life itself, once upon a time, "Jennifer…"

She back away and put her hand up in protest, "Jonathan, please don't." She crossed the room back to the bar, "Would you like a drink?" She asked pouring herself one, "Do you still drink brandy?"

He was bewildered by her nonchalance, "Yes…no I mean, no thanks," He paused, "Jennifer, please, talk to me."

She took a drink, letting the brandy slide slowly down her throat, "What do you want me to say, Jonathan?" Her eyes narrowed, "Do you want to know how I'm doing? Well, that's easy. I have cancer and the doctors don't hold out much hope. I can go on with the chemo but it doesn't seem to be halting the attack on my cells and lymph nodes, so what's the point?"

"I know, your father told me all that." He replied, "But how are you…emotionally, I know that's a dumb question…"

She gave him a half smile, "What makes you think it's dumb?" She questioned, "What's the old saying? That which does not kill us makes us stronger?" She took another drink

"Jennifer, don't even joke like that." He said, his voice almost a whisper

She looked down, "I'm sorry." She raised her head to meet his eyes, "Would you like to sit down?" She gestured to the sofa

He nodded and took a seat, "I think I can help you, if you'll let me explain."

She joined him on the sofa, "How can you help me? Did you go to medical school in the ten years since we divorced?"

He laughed slightly. Humor had always been a defense for her. He thought back to the time when a hit man posed as her long lost cousin and set the oven to blow up…_If you didn't want veal for dinner you should have just said so…I knew you weren't going to let me remodel the kitchen so..._she joked when he came home to survey the damage, "No, I didn't but Hart Industries has gotten involved with UCLA Medical Center and we are making great strides in cancer research and treatment. I'd like for you to come out to California to meet with some of the doctors."

"Oh Jonathan, I can't…" She began

He put his hands on her shoulders, "Yes, you can."

"But…" She started again, the thought of going back to L.A. and being that close to him, she didn't know if she was strong enough to handle it.

"But nothing." He replied, "Are you too proud to accept my help?"

She shook her head, "No, it's not that." She explained, "I just…"

He reached into his suit pocket and pulled out an envelope and placed it in her hand, "This is some information on what we're doing, research, treatments, results. Go over it with your doctor and see what he thinks."

She shook her head again staring at the envelope, "Why?" She asked look up again, "I mean, you flew all the way here just to talk to me about this?"

"We are talking about your life, after all." He reminded her, "I didn't want to do this over the phone or have some stranger come in my stead." His eyes were soft and his smile warm, "And there is no one I would rather see get help from our research."

She suppressed the lump in her throat,"Alright, I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow. I'll talk to him about it." She agreed

"Good." He replied standing up, "Well, I better get going."

She stood to walk him to the door, "Where are you staying?"

"At the Regency on the other side of Central Park." He replied as they reached the door, "I'll be flying out tomorrow. Here's my cell, call me once you've talked to your doctor." He took out a business card and pen and wrote his private cell number on the back

She noticed the cards were the same as he'd had before and he was still at the house on Willow Pond Road, "So you still have the house."

"Yeah, I don't think I've made many changes to it." He looked down, "You always had great taste."

She smiled slightly, "Good night, Jonathan."

"Good night."

She closed the door behind him and the tears fell again

That night sleep eluded her…again. It wasn't the illness. She tossed and turned, held hostage by her past and the dark places she thought she had managed to escape.

"_Jonathan, it's just a ride down to the lake and back. I've done it a hundred times."_

_He pulled her close to him, "Maybe, but you haven't been carrying junior here all those times." He ran his hand across her abdomen_

_She smiled and kissed him, "I promise I'll be careful." _

_He sighed in defeat knowing he couldn't win, "Alright, but I'm going with you." _

_They saddled up and headed down to the lake and all of a sudden a shot rang out and Sweet Sue reared back wildly and Jennifer was thrown. The next thing she knew she was waking up in a hospital. Jonathan was right by her side._

"_What happened?" She asked opening her tired eyes_

"_You were thrown from the horse." He explained_

_She tried to recall what happened but couldn't, "I was…oh Jonathan, the baby. Is our baby alright?" _

_His face was solemn, "No, sweetheart, you lost the baby." _

_Though his words were meant to be comforting, his tone was anything but. She studied his face for a moment and even in her tired, medicated stated, it was clear to her that he placed the blame squarely on her_

She woke up in a sweat, looking around, realizing where she was. Her heart was pounding wildly in her chest. She looked at the clock _3:22._ How prophetic she thought, the day her world fell apart, March twenty second. She laid back down, her breathing rapid and shallow, staring at the ceiling.

_Oh, Jonathan…_

**THE NEXT DAY**

She sat quietly while Dr. Archer looked over the information Jonathan had given her. It was impressive to her what Hart Industries was accomplishing but she wasn't a doctor. She held her breath as the doctor finally looked up from the papers.

"Well…" She offered

He smiled, "Jennifer, I don't have any easy answers for you but I don't see anything in here that would give me pause."

"Really?" She asked

"I wasn't aware of this research. I guess the buzz hadn't reached the East Coast yet." He explained, "But I don't want to give you false hope, either."

"I know." She acknowledged, "There is no guarantee."

"No, but I guess that's true of everything in life." He observed, "Tell me how you came to find out about this again."

"My father read an article about it." She explained, "But Jonathan Hart is my ex-husband. My father contacted him and he flew out here to see me."

He shook his head, "Well that's a new one." He mused, "So are you hesitant at all about … well…"

"I'd be lying if I said no." She replied, "But if there's a chance they can help me… and it's not like he's the one who'll be treating me. I may not even see him while I'm there."

"Well, the only reason I ask is that if this will be a stressful situation then I don't recommend it." He explained, "You'd be surprised what stress can do to you physically."

She smiled slightly, "I doubt I'd be surprised at all, Doctor."

After leaving Dr. Archer's office, Jennifer went home and called Stephen to tell him what she had decided and he was happy and relieved at the news. Then she took the business card out of her purse and placed the call to his cell. He answered on the first ring

"Jennifer?"

"Good guess." She quipped

"Well, I don't have that many people calling my personal cell from New York. My business associates call my blackberry."

She smiled thinking about him wheeling and dealing. _You could see oil to the Arabs_, "I talked to my doctor and he didn't see any reason not to give it a shot."

"So you'll come?" He asked

"Yes, I'll come." She confirmed

He smiled in relief, "Great. I can send my pilot to fly you here."

"No, Jonathan, you don't have to…" She began

"I want to and there'll be an apartment available for you to stay when you aren't at the hospital." He explained

"That really isn't necessary." She protested

"Jennifer, I have a whole floor at the Regency Towers for patients to stay. I figure they need a place to go that's away from the hospital."

"Alright." She acquiesced

"I'll call you back after I speak with Frank and let you know when he'll be flying in."

"Okay." She said softly, "And Jonathan, thank you."

"You don't have to thank me." He said, "Just be the fighter I've always known you to be."

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

He picked her up at the airport and took her to the apartment. Despite her protests he helped her get settled. She came out of the bedroom after putting away her things. He was standing nervously looking around.

"Jonathan, if you need to go, it's okay." She insisted, "You've been more than kind but I'm sure you have things to do."

He looked at his watch, "I do have some work to get back to. Do you think you might feel up to going out to dinner tonight?"

"Oh, you don't have to…" She began

He moved closer to her and took her hands in his, it was the first time they had really touched and his hands still felt the same to her, strong yet comforting, "I know I don't have to, I want to. I would really like to spend some time just catching up."

She smiled wryly, "Before it's too late?"

"Jennifer." His voice was soft again, "Please stop…"

She squeezed his hands, looking down, "I'm sorry. I guess I don't know any other way to deal with this to keep from breaking down."

He pulled her into his arms and she found herself unable to protest, "Maybe breaking down once might help, instead of keeping it inside." He stroked her hair

She sighed heavily, "I'm afraid once I start I won't be able to stop."

He pulled back and looked at her with those blue eyes, eyes that could pierce her soul, "Why don't you rest for a while. I'll pick you up about seven."

She ran her hand down the lapel of his suit, "Are you sure you want to be seen with me? You know how the rumor mill is in this town, Jonathan Hart's ex-wife shows up. I don't know what your situation is…"

He smiled, "Don't worry about that." He assured her saying nothing but saying it all, "I'll see you about seven."

She walked him to the door and an awkward silence hung in the air.

"So where are we going to eat?" She asked finally breaking the silence

"Where ever you want." He told her

"Hmmm, I just want to make sure I have the appropriate attire, cancer chic or cancer casual." He joked

He shook his head and gave her a wink, "I'll surprise you."

**L'ORANGARIE **

She had tried hard to put her best face forward but with limp hair and skin even paler than usual, she knew if anyone saw her who knew her from her days as Mrs. Jonathan Hart the gossip would spread like wildfire. _Poor thing hasn't held up well at all over the years…she used to be so beautiful but now. _She wondered if there was any hidden meaning in his choosing this restaurant. It had been a place they frequented often as a couple and one time in particular washed over her like a tidal wave.

"_Why would Irene Day want to make me jealous?" She asked _

"_You cannot be jealous." He told her _

"_Aren't I allowed to have a human emotion?_**"**

"_You cannot be jealous." He repeated _

They had proceeded to pull off a whopper of a fight, totally staged to smoke out someone who was going to an awful lot of trouble to break them up. It turned out to all be because of a ridiculous bet made at Jonathan's bachelor party on how long they would stay married. _If they had just waited a couple of years, one of those so called gentlemen would have won that bet legitimately,_ she thought as they were shown to their table.

A waiter appeared shortly to take their drink order, "Ah, Mr. Hart, how are you this evening?"

Jonathan smiled, "Fine, Claude, and you?"

"Very well, sir, thank you." He said, "And who is your lovely companion this evening?"

"Ah, Claude this is…" He began

"Jennifer." She finished for him with a smile

"Claude, would you bring us a bottle of Chateau St. Clair and some of that wonderful bread, please." Jonathan asked

"Right away, Sir." He replied and headed off to the kitchen

Jennifer took a drink of water, "So who is she?"

"What?" He replied

"The one you told me not to worry about." She smiled slightly, "When I said I didn't know what your situation was."

He shook his head, _you can still read me like a book, _"Her name is Diana Caldwell. She's in charge of donor relations and fundraising at the hospital. We've only been seeing each other for about a month, nothing serious."

"She must be very understanding." Jennifer concluded

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, you're here with me and not with her." She pointed out as Claude returned with the bread and wine, pouring them each a glass

"She's out of town." He said, "And I just said we're not serious."

"Darling." It slipped out like nothing had changed, "I know women, I am one, remember? And if you think Miss Caldwell won't have her feathers ruffled by you seeing your ex-wife, you have been out of the game too long."

He knew she had a point, "Maybe I'm tired of the game." He said softly

"I know what you mean." Her eyes softened, "After you get a certain age the whole thing gets old."

His eyes met hers again, "Did you ever…"

"Remarry?" She asked taking a drink of wine, "No, almost, but no."

He sensed a story there, "What do you mean 'almost'?" He broke off a piece of bread and buttered it

She sighed heavily, "The almost came when I caught him with his secretary."

Now it was his eyes that softened, "I'm sorry."

"Well, I went down to surprise him with dinner after he said he would be working late." She explained, "But when I got there she sure as hell wasn't taking dictation. But at least it happened then instead of after we were married or if we'd had…" She trailed off averting her eyes

"Had what?" He asked

She shook her head, "Children." She said barely a whisper, "Excuse me." She got up and quickly exited the restaurant, needing some air

Jonathan dropped his napkin on the table and went after her. He found her on the sidewalk, tears streaking her face.

He came up behind her and rested his hands on her shoulders, "Jennifer." His breath was warm on her neck

She pulled away, "I can't do this, Jonathan."

"Do what? Eat dinner?"

She turned to face him, "No, this…sitting there reminiscing, catching up, like we're just two old friends, like nothing happened. Just take me back to the apartment, please."

"Jennifer, I'm sorry if I said something that upset you." He replied, "But we're already here, so let's just go ahead and eat. We don't have to talk anymore but you have to eat dinner, you know?" He searched her face for a reaction

She smiled and nodded, "Okay."

**HART INDUSTRIES **

Jonathan sat with Kelly, his secretary, dictating some memos and going over the agenda for the rest of the day but his mind was hardly on any of it. He was thinking about Jennifer. She was meeting with the doctors and he was anxious to hear what happened.

"Will that be all Mr. Hart?" Kelly asked

He smiled, "Yes, Kelly, thank you. Just get those memos typed up and that proposal on the Lawson deal."

"Right away, Sir." She said and headed across the room to the double doors just as they opened revealing an attractive blonde, "Oh, Ms. Caldwell, how are you?"

The woman smiled but it seemed forced, "Fine, Kelly." She said, "Oh, would you get me a cup of coffee. You remember how I like it don't you?"

"Yes, ma'am." She replied exiting the office. She always felt condescended to around Diana Caldwell. When she had started working for Mr. Hart five years ago, his previous secretary, Deanne, told her how nice the now ex-Mrs. Hart had been and she often wondered about the woman whose name was only uttered in hushed tones around the office

Jonathan stood and smiled, "Well, this is a nice surprise. I thought you weren't due back until later this afternoon."

She crossed the room and unceremoniously dropped the morning paper on his desk, turned to the society column, "Then that must be the reason for this."

He picked it up and saw it in bold black print _Jonathan Hart dines with mysterious red head_. The article that followed describe how Jonathan was seen dining with an unidentified woman with auburn hair and they seemed very cozy.

"Diana, let me explain." He began, "That wasn't what it looked like."

"Oh please, spare me." She retorted, "Who is she?"

"It was Jennifer." He replied simply

"Jennifer?" She thought for a moment, he'd only mentioned her a few times, "Jennifer, as in your ex-wife, Jennifer?"

He nodded, "Yes."

"I thought she lived in New York."

He sighed, "She does but she's here for medical treatment." He explained, "She has cancer."

"Oh." She managed, "I'm sorry."

He came out from behind his desk and put his arms around her, "I just wanted to lift her spirits a little. She doesn't have anyone. Her father is elderly and she doesn't have a husband or kids…"

"It's alright." She interrupted, "But just remember who fills your dance card now."

After work Jonathan hadn't heard from Jennifer so he decided to stop by the apartment before meeting Diana for dinner. He knocked on the door and waited until he heard the turning of the locks. She opened the door offering a warm smile.

"Hi." She said, "Come on in."

He stepped inside, "I hope I'm not catching you at a bad time. I hadn't heard from you and I wanted to see how it went with the doctors."

"Well, the only thing you're interrupting is a really cheesy movie." She explained, "In fact, I thought you were the pizza. I saw Guido is still in business so I ordered my usual."

"Yeah, I don't think Guido will ever retire." He observed, "So, the doctors?"

"Oh, right." She said, "They think I'm a very good candidate for the interleukin trial. They've got to do some tests but with any luck, I'll start treatment within a week or so."

He smiled, relieved, "That's great." He looked at his watch, "Well, I need to get going."

"Right, you don't want to keep the lady waiting." She replied sensing he had a date

He smiled knowingly, "Good night, Jennifer." He said opening the door to leave


	4. Chapter 4

**TWO WEEKS LATER**

Jennifer had just completed ten of the twelve rounds of Interleukin therapy and usually the doctors considered you a superstar if you were able to handle nine. She was looking forward to a break from the hospital for the next couple of weeks before returning for another round. She was on the phone with her father while getting her things together to go back to the apartment.

"Pa, I'm okay. This treatment isn't nearly as hard on you as chemo and I don't get nauseous as much…I know you are Pa…okay, I'll see about coming home for a few days in between treatments.." there was a knock at the door, 'Oh Pa, someone's here, it may be the doctor, I'll call you later…bye."

"Come in" She called closing her suitcase

Jonathan opened the door and stepped inside, "Hi, I just wanted to see how you're doing."

She smiled, "Oh, I'm doing okay, looking forward to being away from here for a while."

"I have an idea." He said, "Why don't you come out to the house for a couple of days."

"Oh Jonathan, I don't think so." She replied

"Come on, you can relax, sit by the pool, have some privacy."

"I thought that's what the apartment was for."

He took her hands in his for the second time, "You can stay in the guest house if you like and besides, I know someone else who would really like to see you."

She smiled thinking of her old friend who was still very dear to her …_Max_

"I'd really like to see him, too." She replied

"Is that a yes?" He asked

She nodded and smiled, "Yes." She replied, "But only for a couple of days."

"Good." He said, "So what time are you being sprung from this joint?"

She looked at her watch, "Well, any minute, I hope. I'm just waiting on the doctor."

"I can drop you off at the apartment, if you like, and pick you up tonight after work."

"Oh you don't have to do that. I don't know how much longer I'll have to wait. But I will take you up on tonight."

He smiled and the corners of his blue eyes crinkled, "Okay, I'll call you later."

"Okay."

He headed for the door just as there was a knock. Dr. Fleming appeared clipboard in hand.

"Jonathan." He extended his hand, "I'm glad to see you're checking on my favorite patient."

"Well Doc, I hear she's a superstar."

"That she is." He replied then turned to Jennifer, "I have some paperwork for you and then, my dear, you are free to go."

Jonathan gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, "See you later." He quickly made his exit finding himself smiling all the way to his car

Back in the hospital room Dr. Fleming was going over the paperwork and what Jennifer needed to be aware of post treatment.

"Now, I know this is California but be careful of the sun. You can get out in it but use plenty of sunscreen and wear a hat."

"Yes, of course." She replied reading over some of the information

"Jennifer, if you don't my asking, how are you and Jonathan getting on?"

"Fine, why?" She asked

"Well, I know you go by Jennifer Edwards but we all know who you are." He explained, "I've known Jonathan since I moved here eight years ago to head up the oncology department here. He always spoke fondly of you."

"Ah, I guess my effort to remain incognito and fend off curious by standers has failed." She replied

"I don't have to tell you how important it is to not be in stressful situation right now." He echoed Dr. Archer's sentiments

She gave him a half smile, "I know, Doctor and I promise I won't let that happen."

**LATER THAT NIGHT**

Jonathan picked her up at the apartment after work and they made the drive out to Willow Pond Road. It wasn't until they were in Mandeville Canyon that she felt her stomach knot up and she wondered she could possibly be thinking coming back here. _Talk about a stressful situation. _ They pulled up to the gate, still bearing the trademark H, and up the drive to the front of the house.

He opened the door and let them in. She stood looking around taking in her former home. He was right, not much had changed. Some of the furniture was new but overall it still looked the same.

"Mrs. H!" Max boomed coming in from the kitchen

She smiled broadly, taking a moment to look him over before going to him and hugging him warmly, "Max, I can't tell you how good it is to see you. But I'm not Mrs. H anymore, you can call me Jennifer."

"You'll always be Mrs. H. to me." He said softly then turned to Jonathan, "Mr. H you better hurry up and get changed."

"Changed for what?" Jonathan asked

"That big shindig at the Biltmore tonight, you and Ms. Caldwell." He reminded him

"Oh no, I completely forgot." He said, "Jennifer, I'm sorry but I have to go…"

"No need to apologize. I plan on taking a hot shower and curling up with a good book." She replied

Well, it's your first night here." He said

"Max will keep me company if I get lonely, won't you, Max?" She turned to her old friend with a smile

"You betcha, Mrs. H. Maybe I could interest you in a couple hand of gin, for old time's sake?"

She smiled thinking back on all the times he had beaten her at gin, "I may just take you up on that."

"Alright, I guess I better get changed." Jonathan said heading upstairs

"You wanna join me in the kitchen Mrs. H? I'm fixing my famous tenderloin for dinner."

"I knew I smelled something heavenly." She replied, "Lead on."

A short while later Max was putting the finishing touches on the tenderloin and a garden salad. He steadfastly refused to let Jennifer help in any way, insisting she relax. She was sitting at the table with a cup of coffee when Jonathan reappeared having changed into his tux.

"Well, what do you think?"

"Very debonair, Mr. H." Max assured him

Jennifer looked up from her cup and smiled, "Well, don't you look dashing."

"Speaking of dashing Mr. H."

"Yeah, I better get going." He said taking in the scene before him for a moment. There was something comfortingly familiar seeing the two of them together and for a fleeting moment he thought back to when he and Jennifer would have been heading out together, arm in arm, "I'm not sure what time I'll be back so don't wait up Max."

"Okay, Mr. H."

"Bye." Jennifer called out

Max brought the plates over and took a seat to the right of Jennifer, "Here you go."

She surveyed the plate, clearly Max still had the touch, "Looks wonderful." She cut piece of meat and tried it, "hmmm, delicious."

"I made it the way I remember you like it." He told her

She took a drink of water, "Thank you, Max." She paused for a moment, "Max?"

"Yeah, Mrs. H?"

"What's she like?"

"Who?"

"Diana Caldwell."

"Mrs. H I don't think…" He trailed off not sure he should answer her

"It's alright, Max, I'd like to know." She wasn't sure why

"Well I'll tell ya, Mrs. H, she's one hoity toity dame." He said, "Real high class, or so she likes to make out like she is."

"That sure doesn't sound like Jonathan's type." She said, Jonathan might be a millionaire several times over but he abhorred high and mighty attitudes in people

"She's alright I guess, just got that old money air about her."

Jennifer chewed her meat thoughtfully, "You know, I haven't eaten this good in a long time. Hospital food is for the birds."

"Tell me about it." He replied, "I had surgery a few years ago and thought the food I ate while recouping in the hospital was going to kill me."

She gave him a puzzled look, "You had surgery?"

"The old ticker needed a tune up." He said pointing at his chest

"I wish I'd known. I'm sorry." She said

"Well, I asked Mr. H not to tell you. He was gonna call Stephen to get your number but I didn't want him to worry you and besides, I'm good as new."

She smiled as a tear escaped her eye

"And you will be too." He assured her

Her words got stuck in her throat and all she could do was offer him a friendly pat on the arm.

A few hours later Jennifer retired to the guest house to take a hot shower and curl up with a good book. But realized she had left the book she was reading at the apartment so she put on her robe and went up to the house to check out the library that was still behind the desk in the living room. She came in the back door to find Max sitting at the table smoking one of his favorite cigars.

"Mrs. H, you okay?"

"Yeah, Max, I just forgot to bring my book so I thought I'd see if I could find one to read."

"Okay." He said as she walked into the living room

She made her way over to the book shelves scanning them for something that might be interesting. Her eyes grew wide when she saw a familiar title _The Pleasures of Mature Love._ It had been a gift, a gag gift of sorts from a friend on their fifth wedding anniversary. She wondered why he would have kept it. Then she saw it, not a book, but a photo album. It sat there as it had all those years. She picked it up and leafed through it, pictures from their travels, on their boat, at the ranch. There were pictures on the piano or anywhere in the room and she wondered again why he kept this, a photographic history of their life, neatly tucked away. A single tear escaped her eye.

"Mrs. H?" Max said entering the living room, "You find a book to read?"

She put the album back on the shelf, "No, nothing really jumped out at me."

"How about a couple hands of gin." He offered

She smiled, "Why not?" She agreed, "You're on."

About an hour later they were deep in the middle of a game when Jonathan walked into the kitchen, "I'll be right back." He called back, "Oh, I didn't think you two would still be up."

"I'm on a roll Mr. H."

"I'll say." Jennifer quipped

"You'll never beat him, you know?" Jonathan said getting two wine glasses down

"Jonathan…oh I'm sorry." Diana entered the kitchen

"How are you, Ms. Caldwell?" Max asked, "Can I get you anything?"

"No, thank you." She replied, "Jonathan, what is going on here?"

"Diana, this is…"

"I think I know who she is." She replied, "The questions is, what is she doing here?"

Jennifer stood up, "I…I should be getting back to the guest house." _Why the hell didn't Jonathan tell her I was here?_

"Let me walk you back, Mrs. H."

"No, Max that's alright." She assured him

"Jennifer…" Jonathan called after her

She reached the back door and turned around, "It's alright." She quickly made her exit

"I'll make sure she's alright, Mr. H." Max followed suit and exited through the back door

"Mrs. H?" Diana repeated, "He calls her Mrs. H? And why is she staying in your guest house?"

"Just give it a rest Diana." He replied heading back into the living room

She followed him, not intending to let up, "Answer me, damn it."

He sighed heavily, "Alright, I thought it might do her some good to come out here for a couple of days. She's been through so much, some downtime away from the hospital and the city might do her some good."

She crossed her arms over her chest, "Why do you feel responsible for her?"

"I don't feel responsible. She's alone and I wanted to do something to lift her spirits."

"I thought that's what dinner was for."

"Diana, she'll be going back to her apartment day after tomorrow." He said, "I'm not going to argue with you about this."

"Fine, then take me home."

"Fine."


	5. Chapter 5

They rode in silence back to Diana's apartment. He pulled up out front and stopped the car. Unable to meet her eyes, he finally spoke.

"You want me to walk you in?" He asked

"Would you like to come in for a drink?" She offered an olive branch

He sighed again, "No, I don't think so." He paused, "Look, Diana I'm sor-"

"I know." She interrupted, "Me too. I just wish you had told me about it."

He nodded in agreement, "I shouldn't have put either of you in that position."

"Tell me the truth." She replied, "Why are you doing it?"

"I told you that already." He said a hint of irritation in his voice

"That's not all of it, Jonathan." She said, "This goes deeper than just feeling sorry for her or just wanting to help her."

"I don't know why exactly." He replied honestly

She placed her hand on his leg, "Would you like to tell me what happened?" She asked, "You've alluded to the miscarriage but only in general terms."

"Diana, I don't think…" He began

"Please, tell me." She said softly

He took a deep breath, bracing himself to dredge up the most painful memory of his past, "We hadn't known but couple of weeks that she was pregnant and we we're ecstatic." He paused for a moment, "We had gone to Maryland to visit her father. He owns a horse farm there. She grew up around them all her life and was an expert rider from the time she was fifteen and the morning after we got there she wanted to go riding. I tried to talk her out of it but it was just down to the lake behind the house, she'd done it a million times."

Diana had an idea where this going, "I see."

"Anyway, I gave in but insisted on going with her. She picked up speed and was ahead of me when a car backfired or it might have been a shot, I'm not sure." He took another deep breath, "Her horse was a bit skittish and got scared and she was thrown."

"That's how she lost the baby?"

He nodded, "Our marriage quickly deteriorated into protracted silences followed by shouting matches." He explained, "I blamed her and she bore her own guilt and the brunt of my anger until there was nothing left of our marriage to salvage."

"I can just imagine how heavy that guilt must have been for her." Diana offered

"And I'm sure she still harbors it now." He said, "That's how she is. She twisted herself in knots over a fender bender she was involved in that turned out to be an insurance scam. So I know she's never forgiven herself for the miscarriage."

"So you're doing this because you feel like you treated her unfairly?"

"We both messed up." He acknowledged, "But she only pulled away from me because I made her. How could she talk to me when every time she looked at me she saw only judgment and anger?"

"Don't you think she realizes now that you were hurting just like she was?"

"Maybe, but I want her to know…in case…in case something happens, that I'm sorry, that I've finally realized my part in our marriage ending."

"Jonathan, despite what you might think, I'm not an ogre." She said, "I understand you care about her and I'm not doing cartwheels that your ex-wife had cancer. I also know seeing her again must bring up things you thought you'd put to rest."

"I know and I wasn't being fair to you, I'm sorry." He said, "But please, just let me figure out how to deal with this."

"I guess I don't have a choice." She said

"I need to clear the air with her so we can both move on and not be held hostage but it. Even if we didn't realize we were."

She nodded, "Can I call you tomorrow?"

He smiled slightly, "Yeah."

She leaned in and kissed his cheek before getting out of her car. He watched her as she disappeared through the front door. This time the man who seemed to have answers for everything was more confused than ever.

He drove home knowing he needed to face her, too. He had no idea what to say to her. Could he tell her what he had just told Diana? Could he expose his vulnerability not knowing how she would receive it? He parked the car and headed toward the guest house noticing a light on, indicating she was still awake. He knocked on the door but it wasn't her that answered.

"Hey, Mr. H." Max said opening the door

"Is she alright?"

"I'm fine, Jonathan." She announced walking in from the kitchen stirring a cup of hot tea

"We were just playing some more gin." Max said, "I'll let you two talk."

"Good night, Max" She said

"Night, Mrs. H, Mr. H."

He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked to the floor, "I guess I'm not going to win any awards as a host, huh?"

She put her cup down on the coffee table, "Why didn't you tell her I was here? That wasn't fair to her…or me."

"I know and I don't know why." He said, 'I guess I figured it wasn't her business and that you'd be…"

"Safely hidden away in the guest house?" She finished for him, "Out of sight, out of mind?"

"No, that's not what I meant." He explained, "I don't have an answer that would make it any better or that would make any kind of sense."

"Jonathan, if you care for her, don't put me in a position of ruining this for you. I can go back to the apartment tomorrow."

"No, I don't want you worrying about her." He said, "Please stay like you planned. I'll be at work all day tomorrow so you can have the place to yourself."

"Alright." She breathed out, "I really wish you would just tell me why you're doing this. You don't owe me anything."

"That's where you're wrong." He said, "I owe you so much better than I've given you."

His eyes filled with tears and he quickly turned to leave.

"Jonathan…" She called after him but he was already out the door.

**THE NEXT MORNING**

Jennifer slept later than she had in, well she couldn't remember when, and when she made it up to the house Max was cleaning up after breakfast.

"Mrs. H, are you alright?" He asked

She smiled weakly, "Yeah, I'm fine Max. But I sure am hungry."

"What's your pleasure?" He asked

"Oh, you've already cleaned up. You don't have to cook for me." She said taking a seat at the table

"Don't worry about it." He assured her, "How about some pancakes?"

"Hmm, that does sound good." She agreed, "With blueberries?"

"You got it" He said with a smile, "You want coffee or OJ?"

"Juice, but I can get it, Max." She started to get up from the table

"No, you are here to be looked after so just sit back down. I'll get it."

"Alright." She said reluctantly sitting back down. She noticed on the other side of the centerpiece an envelope was on the table, "What's that?"

"Huh?" Max looked up, "Oh, I think Mr. H left it there."

She picked it up and her name was written on the envelope. She opened it up to find a note from him

_Jennifer,_

_I'm so sorry about last night. I never meant to put you in an awkward position with Diana or later when we talked. If you wish to go back to the apartment, I understand and you are free to use one of the cars or have Max drive you. I do hope you'll stay at least until tomorrow. I'd like to talk to you some more and maybe I can find the right words and not screw it up. I hope to see you tonight but I'll understand if you wish to leave._

_Jonathan_

She wiped a tear and tucked the note into the pocket of her robe.

"Here you go Mrs. H." Max came over setting down a plate of pancakes topped with fresh blueberries

She smiled, "Thanks, Max."

**LATER THAT EVENING**

Jonathan drove up the driveway and stopped the car, taking a minute to collect himself, hoping to mentally prepare for the two scenarios playing in his mind. If she was there, what would he say? If she wasn't, could he live with not ever telling her what was on his heart? The trouble was that he wasn't quite sure what was on his heart. He wanted to rid himself of the guilt for the part he played in their marriage crumbling and tell her finally, once and for all, how wrong he was. He finally opened the car door, got out and went into the house. As he looked through the mail on the table just inside the door he could smell dinner so he knew Max must be home.

"Hi."

He looked up to see her coming in from the kitchen, "Hi…I wasn't sure…"

"I'd be here?" She asked, "You said you wanted to talk."

"I do." He said, "I just don't know what to say."

"Jonathan, if this is about last night or Diana let's just forget…"

"No, it's not about that, not really." He said, "Can we go in the living room?"

"Sure."

He gestured for her to go first and she took a seat on the sofa. He joined her nervously rubbing his hands together, "I really don't know where to start."

She smiled and touched his arm, "The beginning is always good."

He exhaled heavily, "You asked me why I'm doing this. Well, I don't know how else to make amends for what happened…you know."

She looked at him puzzled, "You're trying to make up for our divorce?"

"For my part in it." He said, "I was as much to blame, if not more, than you."

"Is this about absolving your guilt?" She asked, "You're really something, you know?" She got up and walked over to the fireplace, "I've carried the guilt of what happened to our child for the past ten years and you suddenly feel bad because I'm sick?"

"No, that's not it." He explained, "I've wanted to talk to you so many times over the years, to tell you how wrong I was. I just didn't know how."

"So you were too cowardly to pick up the phone?" She said, her eyes boring into him, "That's not the Jonathan Hart I know."

"How could I just pick up the phone after all the things I said to you?" He asked, "Once those words were out there, they couldn't be taken back."

"You could have tried." She said, "I needed you and every time I looked at you I saw the disgust in your eyes, the silent accusations."

He got up and went over to her, "I know and I should have been there for you. I couldn't see past my own hurt. I thought, at the time, your riding that day was selfish."

"Oh Jonathan, you have to know I never wanted to do anything to hurt our baby…our son." She replied

He looked at her with a puzzled expression

"You didn't think I knew, did you?" She asked, "I know you didn't want them to tell me, thinking if I knew it would be harder, but one of the nurses let it slip."

"I'm sorry, I thought it was best." He managed, his voice a whisper

"Do you remember what name we talked about if it was a boy?" She asked

He nodded, "Christopher Maxwell Hart."

"I wanted more than anything to give you a son." She said, "To give you a child of your own and I wanted nothing more than to look into his sweet face and see your blue eyes."

"My God, how did we end up here?"

"I don't know." She said softly, "I really don't know."


	6. Chapter 6

"We have a lot to talk about." He said

She nodded, "Yes, I guess we do." She crossed the room and went to the bookcase

"What are you doing? You're picking a time like this to read?" He asked

"No, I'm getting something that might help us talk about things." She got the photo album down and walked back to the sofa

"How did you know that was there?" He asked

"I found it when I was looking for a book last night." She replied, pausing she ran her hand over the cover, "Why did you keep it?"

He joined her again on the couch, "I don't know." He replied, "I guess part of me liked remembering us like we were in those pictures."

She opened it up, "We did have some wonderful times when we traveled."

"Yeah, when we weren't trying to avoid being killed." He joked

She laughed slightly, "We also had our share of escapades. But you wanna know something?"

"What?"

She took his hand in hers, "I was never scared as long as you were there."

"All I ever wanted was to protect you from the bad things of the world." He replied, "I know it sounds silly, I was your husband not your father but…"

"I know." She took his hand and squeezed it, shaking her head, "When I think about all the times we could have been killed…I never worried about being able to take care of myself if you weren't there. That wasn't it. I had taken care of myself for a long time before I ever met you. It was…it was you not being there, loving me."

A tear escaped his eye and traveled down his cheek, "Back then I couldn't imagine living if you weren't there."

"You know what I miss the most?" She asked wiping away her own tear

"Touch football?" he joked recalling the times they played in the living room and he'd tackle her, which always led them upstairs for a different kind of contact sport all together

She laughed again, "Well that, but what I really miss is just the little things." She explained, "Like looking across the breakfast table and just seeing you there or in bed reading and I'd glance over and feel so comforted by your presence. That strong jaw and the serene expression on your face always made me feel safe…loved."

"It seemed like nothing could tear us apart then." He observed

"Even when someone tried." She mused, "Remember that?"

He nodded, "Fred Brunus and that ridiculous bet he and Arthur and Cyrus made."

"I hadn't thought about that until the other night when we were at dinner, the same place where staged one hell of a fight."

"That was nothing compared to the real ones we had…later on."

"I know you said those words can't be taken back but do you think that we can at least stop letting them eat away at us after all this time?"

"I don't know if I can ever forgive myself for the things I said." He admitted, the words rushing over him again

_You never wanted that baby did you?_

_You don't care about anyone but yourself and those stupid horses _

And the most painful of all, he could still see the wounded expression in her amber eyes

_You shouldn't be anyone's mother _

"I didn't mean any of it, Jennifer. I hope you know that."

She got up and walked to the fireplace again, "Maybe you were right about one thing." She said her back to him, her voice just raspy, only a whisper

"What?"

She turned around to face him, tears streaming down her face, "I guess I shouldn't be anyone's mother."

He got up and went to her, pulling her in his arms, "Oh God, Jennifer, you've carried that around all these years?"

"Those words echoed in my head long after you said them."

"Jennifer, you are most loving, kind and compassionate person I've ever known." He rubbed her back gently, "You would have been a wonderful mother."

She sighed heavily, pulling back, "I guess we'll never know, huh?" She said, "Things happen for a reason I suppose."

"Yes, I guess they do." He said his voice low. He pulled her close his lips just inches from hers and before she knew it they covered them with an all-consuming kiss

She pulled away, "Jonathan I…I can't."

She rushed out of the room blowing past Max as he came in to announce dinner was ready.

"Mrs. H…." He called after her then turned to Jonathan, "What happened, Mr. H?"

"I don't know, Max." He said walking past him leaving his dear friend thoroughly confused

He walked down to the guest house, knocked and poked his head in, "Jennifer."

She didn't answer and he came in and heard noises from the bedroom. He walked in to find her packing her bag.

"What are you doing?" he asked

She looked up from her bag, "I'm leaving."

"Jennifer, you don't have to…"

"Yes, I do." She said, "I need to get out of here."

"Are you going back to the apartment?" He asked, "At least let me drive you."

"I've already called a cab." She said folding a sweater, "I'm going to Maryland to see my father for a few days."

He shook his head, "I've done nothing but screw this up since you got here."

She looked at him, her eyes soft and still moist from tears, "It's more than that. I just need to…I don't know. Things have resurfaced that I thought were dead and buried. I'll be back for my next treatment."

"At least call me and let me know you got there safely, alright?"

She nodded with a half-smile, "Alright."

Knowing he couldn't do anything to convince to stay, he walked back up to the house to find Max waiting for him.

"What's going on, Mr. H?"

Jonathan sat down at the breakfast table, slumping in defeat, "I screwed up, Max."

"Ah, come on, Mr. H." He said, "It can't be that bad."

He rubbed his chin, "She's leaving."

"Leaving?" Max asked puzzled, "What for?"

"We were talking, and making some progress on at least letting go of some of the ghosts we'd been living with and I got carried away trying to comfort her and kissed her."

"You want my opinion, Mr. H?"

"No, but I don't guess I have a choice."

"You love her." He said, "You've always loved her. Stop wasting your time with that Caldwell dame and get Mrs. H. back."

"I don't love her, so just mind your own business." Jonathan got up and stormed out of the kitchen

A short while later, from the bedroom window, he watched as the cab pulled away. He knew she would come back. She had to for her treatment. The question was, would she see him? Had he ruined any chance to make real peace? But Max was wrong, wasn't he? He cared for her and wanted to let go of the hurt but the love they had shared was one of those things she said was dead and buried, wasn't it?

**EDWARDS RESIDENCE **

She arrived exhausted and after talking with her father about the treatment and what the doctors thought she excused herself and went to her old room and collapsed on the bed. She called and left word with Max that she was there. Her mind was a jumbled collage of thoughts and she was forced to confront emotions she hadn't expected. The warmth and honesty with which he spoke surprised and frightened her, not to mention the kiss. She had been kissed by a few other men since their divorce but no one had ever kissed her like he did. It could melt her resolve every time.

"_There's a lot of ice and steel in her when I want to show it, ice and steel." _

_He kissed her long and deep_

"_Zero, what did I tell you?" _

"_You love me, you can't live without me. You're crazy about me." _

"_You have been mildly amusing to be with from time to time." _

_He kissed her again_

"_You love me no matter what." _

_Another kiss_

"_I could break your heart anytime I wanted to." _

"_Even if I left you and went away for years I'd be the only mad in your life." _

"_Freddy Wilson has always had the hots for me. I'd call him up in a shot." _

"_Even if I was boring." He kissed her again_

"_Jonathan, this is doing absolutely nothing for me." _

_Another kiss _

"_I thought you said just one kiss." _

"_Even if I was a liar." _

_Yet another _

"_Okay, what the hell, let's stay." _

"Darling." Stephen called knocking on the door, ending her brief visit to what she thought was her long forgotten past

"Come in, Pa." she called

He opened the door, "Darling, are you sure you're alright. You've been awfully quiet. Is there something you're not telling me?

She knew he meant about her condition and felt bad if she had given him the impression it was worse than she had let on, "No Pa, the doctors are very encouraged but I have to do one more round to be sure it's working. That's not it."

He sat down on the bench at the end of the bed, "Then what is it?"

She sighed heavily, "Seeing Jonathan again was harder than I thought."

"Ah, I see." He acknowledged, "That was my one concern about contacting him but I didn't want you giving up."

She smiled, "I know you didn't and I'm not mad at you. It just dredged up old memories that I thought were long gone."

"Is that why you decided to come here? To get away from him?" He asked

"Yes and no." She said, "I wanted to see you but things got pretty intense between me and Jonathan and I needed to get away and clear my head."

"What happened?"

"We were talking about, well, everything, the baby, our whole marriage. I was crying and he was comforting me and the next thing I knew he kissed me."

Stephen couldn't help but smiled a little, "Darling, I love you more than anything but you can be stubborn as a mule."

"What?"

"You love him. You just won't admit it to yourself."

"Oh Pa, that's ridiculous."

It was wasn't it?


	7. Chapter 7

**LA SCALA**

He'd been distracted since she left and he didn't really know why. He hated the idea of making things even worse between them. What between them? They hadn't seen or spoken to each other in ten years and he may have just ruined any chance to put things behind them.

"Jonathan?" She asked sitting across from him

"Huh?" He looked up, "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I'm not very good company tonight."

She'd tried to be patient but she was getting a little irritated with his nodding and 'uh huh' responses. She signed heavily, "I said we need to pick up our costumes tomorrow for the Beaux Art Ball."

He nodded, "Oh right."

"Jonathan, you have got to snap out of this." She told him

"Diana, I was trying to put things behind us and I just made it worse."

"She's a big girl." Diana said, "You are not responsible for her feelings."

He hadn't told Diana about the kiss, just that it got very intense and Jennifer felt like she needed to leave, "I know that. I just don't want things to end this way."

"What is this hold she has on you all of a sudden?"

"Diana, there is no hold. The woman may be dying and I want to make things right before that happens. Is that so hard for you to understand?"

"No, I can understand that." She said, "But what I can't, what I won't do is sit around and wait until you think you've absolved this self- imposed guilt you're wallowing in." She stood up, threw her napkin down and walked out

"Diana…" He called after her

_Quit wasting your time with that Caldwell dame and get Mrs. H. back. _

Max's words echoed in his head, whether he liked it or not. He got up and went after her, more out of chivalry than anything else. He found her outside cooling off. _What is it with the women in my life storming out of restaurants? _

"Diana." He said softly

She turned to face him, "I suppose you want me to come back in there and act like everything is okay."

"Not if you don't want to." He said, "I'll take you home if that's what you want."

"Jonathan, I don't know what we're doing here." She said, "I care about you a great deal but there's only room for two people in a relationship and you have to decide which two it is."

He nodded, "Will you at least let me take you home?"

Jonathan returned home feeling like he'd gone ten rounds in the ring and was in no mood to discuss the situation any further with Max. He walked into the kitchen and fixed a glass of milk and sat down at the table. He thought about all the nights he and Jennifer sat up late drinking milk and discussing whatever escapade they had found themselves in. There was the time Gayle and Mike Dodson were both suspected of shooting Norman Benzinger and they waited up for Max to come home after being questioned by the police himself. He had walked in on them in a lip lock _Oh excuse me I didn't know the late show was playing in the kitchen. _ It seemed something was reaching into the dark recesses of his mind and releasing the ghosts that resided there. Every conversation they'd had, even the exact clothes they were wearing, where they were in the house, flooding his mind.

"Hey, Mr. H." Max said entering the kitchen

"What are you doing home, Max? Isn't this poker night?"

"Game was called early on account I was getting' my butt kicked." He sat down across from him, "I thought you were out with Ms. Caldwell."

"Well, that got called early too."

"Mr. H, come on…"

"Max, I don't want to hear it."

"Yeah well, you're gonna anyway." He said, "You and me go way back and I know you pretty good."

Jonathan sighed, "Well, that doesn't mean you're right about this."

"Mr. H, you ain't ever loved anyone but her. I was there, remember?"

"That was a long time ago." Jonathan replied, "So please just drop it."

He got up and exited the kitchen

**EDWARDS RESIDENCE**

Jennifer was in her old room packing her bags. She still had about a week before her treatment started again but she couldn't hide there forever. She and her father had enjoyed a nice visit but it was time to leave. There was a soft knock on the door.

"Darling." Stephen called, "Walter is ready with the car."

"Alright, I'll be right down."

She zipped her suitcase and made one last check to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything then headed downstairs. Stephen was waiting for her.

"Darling, I wish you would stay a little longer." He said giving her a warm hug

"I know but I really should get back." She told him, "I'll call you when I get in."

He looked at her, tears welling up in his eyes, "I love you very much."

"I love you, too." She wiped her eyes

**LOS ANGELES**

She arrived back at the apartment, took a hot shower and curled up on the sofa with her book. She knew she needed to call him but she couldn't deal with the emotional upheaval right now. She needed to get through this next round of treatment and see what lie ahead for her first and she would just have to tell him that. As she was mentally playing it out in her mind there was knock on the door.

She got up and peeked through the peep hole then opened the door, "Hi."

He smiled slightly, "Hi, I just wanted to make sure you got back okay."

"Come in, I guess." She said, "How did you know I was back?"

"Honest?" He asked stepping inside, "I called your father."

"Jonathan, I don't this is such a good idea."

"What?" he asked, "Talking to each other?"

She sighed heavily, "Dredging up the past." She explained, "I really can't handle it right now."

"I see." He replied, "I thought we hashed everything out, or were trying to."

"No, I don't think you do." She said, "I need to focus on getting well right now and nothing else."

"Look, if it's about the kiss, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…"

"It's more than that." She said, "I have a lot I'm dealing with and I need time. Please let me get through this next treatment and see what the doctors say."

"I just didn't want you to feel alone right now."

"I know you didn't." She replied, "But believe me, the fact that I have this chance to maybe get better, you've given me hope and that in itself makes me feel less alone."

All he wanted was to hold her but he just kissed her on the cheek, "Promise you'll call me after the treatment is over and you talk to the doctors."

She nodded, "I promise." She met his gaze and held it, "Good night, Jonathan."

"Good night."

**TWO WEEKS LATER**

Jennifer sat in Dr. Fleming's office and waited for him to return from seeing another patient. She had done another round of interleukin and tolerated well. Now all that was left was the results. She tried her best to stay calm as her life was hanging in the balance.

"Jennifer." Dr. Fleming entered closing the door behind him, "How are you feeling?"

"Anxious, Doctor, to be honest." She said

He sat down behind his desk, his face a mask, "Well, we have our results and I am very happy to tell you that so far the treatment seems to be doing its job."

"Really?" She breathed out

He smiled, "Yes, your cell count is up and everything else looks good." He informed her, "But we're not done yet. You'll need at least two more rounds and then we'll check it again but I have every confidence we'll see the same results."

She sensed he was holding something back, "But?"

"But we still need to take it one step at a time and be, I like to say, cautiously optimistic."

She nodded wiping away a tear

She returned to the apartment feeling relieved but almost afraid to be really happy. It was a waiting game, one day at a time. She sat down on the sofa, remembering she promised to call him. He'd been willing to play it her way and the least she could do was not wait to call. She picked up her cell and dialed the number.

"I was hoping that was you." He said

"What are you psychic now?" she asked

"No, caller ID." He joked, "I stored your number, remember?"

"Oh right, they said this treatment might cause me to lose my hair but they didn't say anything about my memory."

"You haven't lost either." He said pausing for a moment, "So…"

"It's working." She said breaking down, "It's working, Jonathan."

_Thank you, God, _"Oh Jennifer, that's…that's wonderful, so what now?"

She wiped her eyes, "I'm not done yet but everything is in the right direction."

"That's just…" He trailed off wishing he was there in person, "You should do something to celebrate. Why don't you treat yourself to a day at the salon? Barry would love to see you, I'm sure."

"Barry's still in business?" She asked, "I don't know, it seems so frivolous to do that."

"You deserve some pampering. Besides you need to get dolled up for the party." He said

"Party?"

"Oh I guess I forgot to mention it." He said, "Next week we're having a party to celebrate all the people who have reached their five year mark. We do it every year that someone has an anniversary."

"Well, I haven't…"

"You will, but you have reason to celebrate too." He said, "Please think about it. There will probably be some people there who would love to see you, folks from the office you might remember. Stanley Freisen, he's married to Mandy in legal now. Jack, Norma, Sam."

"Alright, I'll think about it."

"Good." He said, "But I have to be straight. Diana comes to these things as a function of her job at the hospital."

"Oh well, maybe I shouldn't come, really Jonathan. I don't think your date will appreciate…"

"She's not my date and I want you to come."

"Alright."


	8. Chapter 8

The mood was celebratory and spirits were high. It was a smaller gathering than usual, as only two people had reached their five year mark cancer free this particular year so aside from the hospital staff and Hart Industry employees it was just the two survivors and their spouses and children. Jennifer couldn't help but feel happy, lighter in fact than she could remember feeling for a long time. Despite the fact that the party was at the house and she knew whispers were being shared by those who knew her and those who didn't who got their first glimpse at the former Mrs. Hart.

The doorbell rang and Max went to answer it, "Hello, Ms. Caldwell. May I take your coat?"

"Yes, thank you." She replied

She then walked into the living room and she saw her immediately, standing in front of the fireplace talking with Dr. Fleming and one of the survivors, a young woman named Faith, ironically. Diana studied Jennifer trying not to be obvious but her curiosity demanded it. She studied her movements, the way she held her glass, trying to understand what it was about this woman that seemed to hold Jonathan hostage to the past. She was attractive, despite her illness, and had probably been even more so when they were married. Jennifer smiled then threw her head back laughing at something the doctor had said. Diana moved over to the bar all the while not taking her eyes off her. Just then Jonathan came in from the kitchen with some more wine, refilling Jennifer's glass then making his way around the room to the other guests. He caught her eyes and smiled slightly then returned to where Jennifer was, joining in the conversation. He casually rested his hand on the small of her back and whispered something to her and they both laughed.

"So you see, doctor, that's why we don't let her near a kitchen." He said after the two of them recalled one of many tales of Jennifer's less than stellar culinary skills

"Well, I must admit you seem to know how to laugh at yourself." Doctor Fleming observed

Jennifer was quiet for a moment, "Someone once told me the secret to a long life was a good sense of humor"

Jonathan put his arm around her waist, "And that's exactly what you'll have." He lifted his glass, "To long

life."

The four of them raised their glasses.

After a couple of hours later Diana decided to make her exit. She hadn't seen Jonathan since that night at the restaurant and she really didn't want to see him now. She headed for the door just as he came back in from the kitchen.

"Something I said?" He asked

She smiled slightly, "No, I just think it's time for me to go."

"Diana…" He began

She held up her hand, "Don't say it."

"I never meant to hurt you." He said

"I know." She said, "But you can't help how you feel."

"I guess that's the trouble. I don't know how I feel."

She shook her head, "You know for someone so smart in business you sure are thick when it comes to relationships."

"What?"

"You're in love with her."

"Not you, too." He said, "Max keeps saying the same thing."

"Well, he's known you a good deal longer than I have so I would think he would know." She pointed out

"I really wish everyone would stop thinking they know how I feel." He said

"Jonathan, I've watched you with her tonight." She said, "I saw the way you looked at her, the way you two seemed so comfortable near each other, laughing and talking."

"Comfortable doesn't always mean love." He said

"Why are you being so obstinate?" She asked, "The way you looked at her tonight is the way I had hoped you would look at me one day. You need to be honest with yourself and her and follow your heart."

"Maybe that's what I'm afraid of." He said being the most honest he'd been with her or anyone else in a long time

"Since when are you afraid of anything?"

"Maybe I'm becoming a coward in my old age." He quipped

She kissed him on the cheek, "Good bye, Jonathan."

Around eleven the party wound down and Jonathan said his goodbyes to the last of the guests but he hadn't seen Jennifer in a while. He closed the door after the last guest left and heard a soft voice behind him.

"You sure know how to throw a party."

He turned around to find her offering a warm smile, "I did learn a few things from our time together. You may not be Julia Child but you always knew how to entertain."

"If you don't stop knocking my cooking I might start taking offense."

He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked down, "I'm sorry this has been so hard on you." He said quietly, "Not just the treatment but, you know…being here."

"You don't have to be sorry." She said, "If it wasn't for you, I'd probably still be in New York accepting defeat."

He shook his head and looked up, "I don't believe that for a minute. The Jennifer Edwards I know doesn't give up."

"Well, I have no plans to roll over and play dead." She said, "Pardon the pun."

"Would you like to have a drink?" He asked

"I've had my limit tonight." She said looking at her watch, "Besides, I thought you'd have someone waiting for you."

He sighed heavily, "She left, for good."

"She did?" Jennifer asked, "Why?"

"Well, you know, it wasn't going to work."

"I'm sorry, Jonathan."

"Eh, don't be, her name was all wrong, you know?" He joked

"Her name?"

"Yeah, Diana." He said, "No matching monogram. It was doomed from the start."

She laughed recalling years ago his explanation for wanting to marry her, the matching initials, "Well, you'll just have to find someone named Jezebel."

"uh uh." He shook his head

"Jean? Jeanette?"

He moved closer to her, "No again."

"Jonathan, I…" She began but he covered her lips in a warm kiss

"Zero, what'd I tell you?"

"Even though I've been away for years, I've been the only man in your life."

"I called Freddy Wilson." She said, "Did you know he's gay?"

He suppressed his urge to bust out laughing, "See what happens when you break their hearts? They either become a blubbering heap or can't even date another woman."

"And who, pray tell, is a blubbering heap?"

"I am." He said, "Every time you're near me."

"Jonathan, what are we doing?"

He nuzzled her neck, "Necking, it's the latest craze."

"I'm serious." She said pulling away

He looked her in the eyes, "I know." He said, "Jennifer, I haven't wanted to admit it to myself but I can't keep pretending that I don't love you, because I do. I had to say it, even if you don't feel …"

She pulled him close and kissed him, "You were saying?" She asked pulling back

"Marry me."

"Marry you?" she asked, "But my job is in New York, my apartment."

"I don't want your apartment." He said

"My clothes are in New York."

"They have clothes in Beverly Hills."

"What will I tell my father?"

"Tell him someone loves you and you're getting married."

**A YEAR LATER**

Jonathan pulled into the driveway after a long and draining day. He'd had back to back meetings and a fundraiser to attend. He went alone, his wife had a more pressing engagement, and he fully understood. He ducked out early and wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed with her and sleep. He quietly entered the house, sat his briefcase down on the credenza began to loosen his tie and head upstairs. He opened the double doors to their bedroom and smiled broadly at what he saw. There was his wife, asleep with her body spooned around a beautiful sandy haired little boy, who had his arms around another new member of the family, Freeway Junior. He had been a wedding present, of sorts, from him to Jennifer. She had kept the original Freeway who died about a year after she moved to New York. Jonathan searched high and low for the right dog and finally found him, another adorable Heinz 57 mutt with big brown eyes. But the boy had been the real gift. One of the patients who had gone through treatment around the same time as Jennifer unfortunately passed away. She was a single mother with no family and after every effort had been made by social services to locate any family for the boy but coming up empty, Jonathan and Jennifer didn't think twice about pursuing adoption. He sat down on the bed and the pup was the first one to stir.

"Go on, Freeway." He said softly and the dog got up and took his usual spot under the writing desk across the room

He smoothed his son's hair back off his face and leaned down and kissed him, not really wanting to wake him but he did anyway.

"Daddy." He mumbled opening his eyes

"Hey champ." He said quietly, "Let's not wake up Mommy, okay."

"Too late." She said sleepily without opening her eyes

"I'm sorry, Darling." He said

She finally opened her eyes and smiled, "It's alright." She yawned, "How was the fundraiser?"

"Dull, especially without you there. You know how I love to watch you work a crowd." He said, "How are things here? Is he feeling better?"

She kissed the top of her son's head, "Hmm, I think he is. It feels like his fever is breaking."

"I don't suppose we could put him in his own bed tonight, huh?"

"Not just yet." She said, "I want to make sure he won't wake up tonight."

He nodded, "I'm going to change."

The little boy stirred again, "Daddy?"

"Yeah, champ?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, Christopher."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N Here it is. The final chapter of Wounded. I am glad so many of you enjoyed it. I'll be finishing Lonely up soon as well.**

He watched her from the balcony of their hotel room. She was running along the beach with the boy. He couldn't help but smile as he brought his coffee cup to his lips. Her auburn hair blew in the breeze, having regained its shine and thickness and her skin was once again healthy and sun kissed. She came up behind the boy who was several paces ahead of her and scooped him up in her arms, giving him a kiss as she put him down to let him wade in the water. He was happy to see her so relaxed. He knew she had still been afraid of the kind of mother she would be and that fear still returned to the surface now and again. But it was really completely unwarranted. She was loving, patient and kind and Christopher was thriving with them. But they both felt a sense of sadness that such a terrible thing had to happen for their long abandoned dream to come true. Sometimes it seemed unfair to them but all that seemed to fade when their son cuddled with them and they heard the words they both thought for so long they would never hear: Mommy and Daddy. It had taken some time for them to truly work through some of their issues and at first Jonathan sensed fear in her whenever even the most minor of disagreements would come up. The thought that she felt afraid it would all fall apart again cut him to the heart and he tried every way he could to reassure her the past was just that, past. She picked up Christopher and turning to come in she saw him on the balcony and smiled brightly and waved. She whispered to Christopher and he lifted his arm and waved at his daddy. Jonathan smiled and waved back then turned to go in.

When they came in Jonathan had ordered room service and breakfast was waiting. She had Christopher in her arms and Jonathan crossed the room to greet with her a kiss, "Hmm, the second best way to start my day." She replied

"Oh and what is the first?" He asked grinning

"The way we ended last night." She replied in a husky voice

Jonathan chuckled softly, "Not in front of the b-o-y."

"That's me!" Christopher piped up

"Oh boy, no we can't even spell in front of him." Jonathan joked, "You are getting too smart for your old man." He ruffled his hair

"I need to get us both cleaned up." She said

"That can wait. I've got breakfast for us." He told her gesturing to the table

She looked and smiled, "Looks wonderful." She replied, "Look, sweetie, Daddy has breakfast ready for us."

"I'll help feed him." He took Christopher as they sat at the table, "Go ahead and eat."

She put the napkin in her lap, "Thank you." She replied taking a drink of orange juice

"You know, I was thinking since this is our last night here we should do something special." He suggested feeding Christopher, who sat on his lap, a bite of eggs

"Hmm." She replied taking a bite of her omelet, "What did you have in mind?"

"How about we have a romantic dinner, just the two of us. Max can watch the big guy, here."

"Uncle Max fun!" Christopher exclaimed

Jonathan chuckled, "He doesn't miss a trick."

Jennifer shook her head, "No, he doesn't." She agreed, "And I think that's a wonderful idea."

After a romantic dinner they decided to take a walk on the beach. There weren't many people around and it was calm and peaceful, the moonlight illuminating their way. Neither had said much since they left the restaurant.

He took her hand and finally broke the silence, "This is still one of my favorite places in the world." He said

"It is beautiful here." She agreed, "I'd almost forgotten how much. It's been a long time…" She trailed off thinking the last time she'd been here was with him so many years before

He stopped and took her other hand in his, "Jennifer," he began, "I know, for whatever reason, something still has a hold on you. Please talk to me."

She look down and squeezed his hands, "I don't know." She replied, "I can't shake this feeling I'll wake up and it will all be gone… you, Christopher…everything we've worked so hard to rebuild this past year."

"Darling, we're not going anywhere." He took his hand and lifted her face to meet his, her uncertain eyes meeting his, "I love you and I promise you that will never change."

She smiled slightly, "I love you, too. I never stopped, you know." She said, "All those years apart, I still wanted you."

"And you have me, forever." He leaned in and kissed her, "You are so beautiful. It's like time stood still for you."

She laughed a little, "Not quite but you're as dashing as ever. Even with that touch of gray around your temples." She ran her hand through his hair

"Thanks for reminding me." He quipped and they continued walking

"I'm reminded every day when I drop Christopher off at preschool. Some of those other mothers have to be fifteen years younger than me."

"But not half as sexy." He said in a husky voice

"Oh yeah?" She replied smiling as she put her arm through his, "You think when Christopher graduates from high school and I'm brought in a wheelchair he might not be a bit embarrassed?"

He laughed heartily, "Well, I'm five years older than you so I'll be in one too."

She was silent for a moment, "You know, I worry about something happening to one of us while he's still young."

He stopped again and put his arms around her, "Hey, nothing is going to happen to us."

"Jonathan, when you've been faced with your own mortality you can't help but think about it."

He held her close, rubbing her back, and she rested her head on his shoulder, "Listen to me. We have a lot of years left. In some ways I feel like our lives are just beginning."

She nodded and wiped away a tear then pulled back, looking at him, "Let's go back to the hotel, huh?"

He smiled, "Alright."

They arrived back at the hotel to find Max dozing on the couch. They both suppressed a laugh as Jonathan nudged him awake.

"Max." He said gently shaking him

Max awakened, slightly startled, "Hey, what time is it?"

"Almost eleven." Jennifer said, "Is Christopher alright?"

"He's been out since you left." Max told them

"Darling, let's go check on him." She suggested

"Alright." Jonathan said, "Night, Max."

"Good night." Max said and headed for the adjoining door to his room

Jonathan and Jennifer went into the small bedroom and found their three year old son sleeping peacefully. Jennifer sat down gently on the side of the bed and brushed the hair back from his face.

"He's amazing isn't he?" She asked

Jonathan stood behind her with his hands on her shoulders, "He certainly is."

"Looking at him like this all I want to do is shield him from the world." She said looking at his sweet face

Jonathan kissed the top of her head, "I know."

She sighed softly, "Well, I guess we better get to bed ourselves."

"Yeah." He agreed

She adjusted the covers and got up from the bed. Jonathan bent down and kissed Christopher on the forehead, "Goodnight, Champ."

They walked back to the door and turning out the light they both gave one last look back at their son and then looked at each other. In that moment they knew what they had been given. Not only a second chance to love each other but the gift of knowing the kind of love only a child can give. Untouched by the world in its innocence. Arms around each other they left the bedroom and the troubles weighing on their mind on a beach to be washed out to sea by the tide.


End file.
